5.31.11

Although realizing I wouldn't be able to breastfeed again was very disappointing, it does mean that Josh gets a chance to bond with Paige over a bottle. That's quite the look of adoration in her eyes. :)

5.30.11

One week old.

5.29.11

Wyatt wanted to tuck Paige in (with the beautiful blanket that Kaeleigh made for her!), and then gave her a kiss on the head! He's getting more curious about her, and less anxious when she cries.
I handed Paige off to Josh this afternoon and played with Wyatt for a bit, and was rewarded with, "I luff you so much." 4 times! Lots of hugs too. :) Totally made my day.
And although I feel like I am dealing with the sleep deprevation better this time around, I am still exhausted. The last two nights, Paige has had periods of fussiness for about 2-3 hours. She's not loud, but she's definitely not asleep and not happy. I've been giving her gripe water today with her bottles in the hopes that it helps. So far, so good. Now if we could just perfect the swaddle again! We had it down with Wyatt - but all the blankets I have now seem to be just a touch too small, and she wriggles her arms out fairly easily.

5.28.11

What a long day! Paige was up from about 1:30am - 4am this morning, just really unsettled. She fussed for a bottle at 1:30, and that woke up Wyatt, so Josh went into his room to put him back to bed, and fell asleep in there. Because Josh wasn't in our bed, I put Paige down beside me, thinking we'd sleep better that way. I was wrong! She squirmed and snuffled and snorkled the whole time. I snoozed on and off during the day when she slept, but never really felt rested. Josh had his level 1 practical exam today, so his parents took Wyatt for the day. It was pretty quiet (and lonely!) without the little stinker. He's still acting out quite a bit, but I suppose that's to be expected for a while. :(
Josh did not pass his exam. In fact, out of the 14 guys in his class, only 3 did (and they all had the same instructor that let them redo a part of the exam that they did wrong). From the feedback of the other guys, it seems like the instructors were pretty tough this time around, but Josh gets another chance 2 weeks from now in Brandon. He's pretty pissed off this evening, even though there's nothing he could have done differently (his instructor thought his angle of spray was more than 30 degrees, Josh didn't).
I better go rescue him - Paige has been up for the past hour and 45 minutes, so he took her in an attempt to get her to sleep - instead he's the one snoring. :)

5.27.11

Although it looks like Wyatt is giving Paige the stink eye, he actually has been getting much better about getting close to her and showing some positive interest in her. We're getting there!
The public health nurse and lactation consultant stopped by today. Paige is packing on the pounds! Okay, the grams. She's doing well, and will be staying on formula. The lactation consultant wasn't able to offer up any advice with the problems I am having, because she said she's never seen anything like it before! She seemed to think it's all related to the breast reduction I had years ago.
We had a lovely day today, we even ventured out to go grocery shopping. My mom and sister stopped by for a nice visit (and pizza!), and Josh and Wyatt had some daddy/son time outside before bedtime.
Tomorrow is Josh's big day - his practical exam for the Level 1 firefighter course. It is a hard exam, and it's more likely that people fail than pass. He's very nervous (and I am for him as well), but I know that he will do well. If he does fail, it won't be for lack of trying, he's a very determined guy! Here's hoping Paige gives us a fairly restful night tonight, so he is ready to go tomorrow.

5.26.11

A very good reason for not posting for a few days: our baby girl is here! Paige Adele Barkley was born on May 23, 2011 at exactly 11:30. I started having contractions around 5am on Monday morning, but they were very sporatic. Around 11am, they were 5 minutes apart, so Josh and I were rushing around to get everything ready to go to the hospital. Then - everything slowed down. Contractions went to 10 minutes apart, then 20 minutes apart, then 30 minutes. Josh had practice for his level 1 firefighter exam at 3pm, so I told him to go and that I would call if I needed anything. His parents came down around 5 to take Wyatt, since I was still having contractions, even though they were sporatic they were incredibly painful.
At 6:30 I tried getting into the tub to ease the pain, but I felt significantly worse. I called the hospital to find out what I should do - the pain was close to unbearable, but the contractions still were anywhere from 3 - 15 minutes apart. The nurse said to wait it out if I could, until they were 5 minutes apart, or if I couldn't manage the pain. I called Josh after that to tell him that he may need to take me in shortly. I managed to wait another hour at home, but at that point I was almost vomiting from the contraction pain. When I called Josh at 8, he had just geared up to start an exercise, so it took about 25 minutes for him to get home. I had about 4 contractions on the way to the hospital, and they seemed to slow down on the way up to the room. However, once we got settled in (around 9:30), they were coming fast. I asked for an epidural right away, and was told it would be 20 minutes. I didn't think I would be able to make it that long, and when the anesthesiologist showed up he noticed that I hadn't gotten enough IV fluid and would need to wait another 5 minutes. If I could have moved at that point, I would have tackled him. Thankfully, when I did get it, it took the edge of pretty quickly, but when the nurse checked me right after, she told me that I was progressing so quickly that the epidural probably wouldn't fully kick in by the time I was ready to push. There was a lot of pressure, but no pain with the contractions and I really wanted to wait until I felt the urge to push. With Wyatt, they had me start pushing before I was ready, and it took 4 hours. I was not going to do that again! Paige was ready to make her entrance though, I very quickly felt the urge to push, and she was out 10 minutes later! It was amazing, the difference between her birth and Wyatt's. I actually felt pretty good, and very proud of myself after she was born (as opposed to feeling like I had been in a car crash when Wyatt was born). Even the last few days after her birth have been totally different - I've cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, bathed Wyatt, etc. (although tonight my body has been suggesting I slow down a bit).
One thing that is the same is the breastfeeding issue. Both Wyatt and Paige have the same latching issue. With Wyatt, I tried and tried - I had 7 different nurses check my latch (they all agreed it looked good). The pain was awful, he was losing weight and we were both so miserable. After a night where he screamed at the breast for hours on end (3, I think?) while I tried to get him to latch, I caved and gave him a bottle. It was fantastic. He devoured it, slept for 5 hours and we all felt so much better after that. I was able to pump for a month, so he got a fair amount of breastmilk for the first while. It's not to say that I didn't feel horribly guilty though, for bottle feeding him. And now, almost 3 years later I am reliving the whole experience. This time, I did ask for a lactation consultant to visit me at the hospital before we left. She did, but Paige fell asleep and the LC didn't have time to wait for her to wake up. She gave me some papers, and the advice to "get into bed for a few days, go topless and just let her guide you." Maybe if I didn't have a toddler, and had the patience for that technique, I could pull that off. So in the meantime, we're bottle feeding again, and I am struggling with the guilt that I should be pushing through the pain to get things right. I spent hours last night watching videos online, trying to fix the latch on my own...but I just can't get it right. The fact that when she cries, Wyatt cries (even when he has been asleep!) doesn't make the situation any easier. In fact, the stress of it all makes it that much harder.
If the pressure to breastfeed wasn't so prevelant, I'd just switch to bottles and tell people to stick it. But with "breast is best" being broadcasted everywhere, I feel like making the decision to bottle feed is making the decsion NOT to give my baby what is best. I do need to do what's best for my baby, but also what is best for my family. Ah, mommy guilt....I could do without you. :P

5.21.11

I am finally able to post some pictures of the nursery! The other side of the room isn't done yet though. :D
I love how many handmade touches are in the room. The quilt was made by my mom, and it is amazing! The fabric is from Riley Blake's Lovebirds line. I made the crib skirt to match, as well I made the owl in the crib and the bird mobile. The 3D flower wall art is from Pink Perch.
The change table (not pictured, because it's on the unfinished side of the room) was made for Wyatt's room, by my dad. I'll be hanging two shelves to display a few toys, including a knit doll my Grandma Schroeder made for me, an adorable rag doll my sister has made for the baby and sock monkey made by Megan Hildebrand.
So that's it for now, hopefully I'll have the rest done by the end of the weekend, there's really not much left to do. :)