5.26.11

A very good reason for not posting for a few days: our baby girl is here! Paige Adele Barkley was born on May 23, 2011 at exactly 11:30. I started having contractions around 5am on Monday morning, but they were very sporatic. Around 11am, they were 5 minutes apart, so Josh and I were rushing around to get everything ready to go to the hospital. Then - everything slowed down. Contractions went to 10 minutes apart, then 20 minutes apart, then 30 minutes. Josh had practice for his level 1 firefighter exam at 3pm, so I told him to go and that I would call if I needed anything. His parents came down around 5 to take Wyatt, since I was still having contractions, even though they were sporatic they were incredibly painful.
At 6:30 I tried getting into the tub to ease the pain, but I felt significantly worse. I called the hospital to find out what I should do - the pain was close to unbearable, but the contractions still were anywhere from 3 - 15 minutes apart. The nurse said to wait it out if I could, until they were 5 minutes apart, or if I couldn't manage the pain. I called Josh after that to tell him that he may need to take me in shortly. I managed to wait another hour at home, but at that point I was almost vomiting from the contraction pain. When I called Josh at 8, he had just geared up to start an exercise, so it took about 25 minutes for him to get home. I had about 4 contractions on the way to the hospital, and they seemed to slow down on the way up to the room. However, once we got settled in (around 9:30), they were coming fast. I asked for an epidural right away, and was told it would be 20 minutes. I didn't think I would be able to make it that long, and when the anesthesiologist showed up he noticed that I hadn't gotten enough IV fluid and would need to wait another 5 minutes. If I could have moved at that point, I would have tackled him. Thankfully, when I did get it, it took the edge of pretty quickly, but when the nurse checked me right after, she told me that I was progressing so quickly that the epidural probably wouldn't fully kick in by the time I was ready to push. There was a lot of pressure, but no pain with the contractions and I really wanted to wait until I felt the urge to push. With Wyatt, they had me start pushing before I was ready, and it took 4 hours. I was not going to do that again! Paige was ready to make her entrance though, I very quickly felt the urge to push, and she was out 10 minutes later! It was amazing, the difference between her birth and Wyatt's. I actually felt pretty good, and very proud of myself after she was born (as opposed to feeling like I had been in a car crash when Wyatt was born). Even the last few days after her birth have been totally different - I've cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, bathed Wyatt, etc. (although tonight my body has been suggesting I slow down a bit).
One thing that is the same is the breastfeeding issue. Both Wyatt and Paige have the same latching issue. With Wyatt, I tried and tried - I had 7 different nurses check my latch (they all agreed it looked good). The pain was awful, he was losing weight and we were both so miserable. After a night where he screamed at the breast for hours on end (3, I think?) while I tried to get him to latch, I caved and gave him a bottle. It was fantastic. He devoured it, slept for 5 hours and we all felt so much better after that. I was able to pump for a month, so he got a fair amount of breastmilk for the first while. It's not to say that I didn't feel horribly guilty though, for bottle feeding him. And now, almost 3 years later I am reliving the whole experience. This time, I did ask for a lactation consultant to visit me at the hospital before we left. She did, but Paige fell asleep and the LC didn't have time to wait for her to wake up. She gave me some papers, and the advice to "get into bed for a few days, go topless and just let her guide you." Maybe if I didn't have a toddler, and had the patience for that technique, I could pull that off. So in the meantime, we're bottle feeding again, and I am struggling with the guilt that I should be pushing through the pain to get things right. I spent hours last night watching videos online, trying to fix the latch on my own...but I just can't get it right. The fact that when she cries, Wyatt cries (even when he has been asleep!) doesn't make the situation any easier. In fact, the stress of it all makes it that much harder.
If the pressure to breastfeed wasn't so prevelant, I'd just switch to bottles and tell people to stick it. But with "breast is best" being broadcasted everywhere, I feel like making the decision to bottle feed is making the decsion NOT to give my baby what is best. I do need to do what's best for my baby, but also what is best for my family. Ah, mommy guilt....I could do without you. :P