Side note...

I will post some pictures of Wyatt's first day of pre-school shortly (sorry mom, I took them on my phone so they won't be very big!).
But first I need to ramble for a bit.
I am tired.  Really, really tired.  Not sleepy tired (although I am getting there), but mentally, emotionally and physically tired.  I went to Co-op today to get icing sugar and found myself just standing in the aisle, because I could hardly convince myself to put one foot in front of the other.  Because it meant that when I got home, I actually had to make icing sugar.  And then I had to decorate a cake.  The cake is for my niece, whom I love dearly, but I just don't like doing cakes anymore.  And I am tired of talking myself into finishing things (or starting things, rather) that I do not want to do.  I knew that when I got back home, my son would likely be throwing a tantrum over something, and my husband would probably be losing his temper because we both have been pushed to our limit with Wyatt.  Again.  Things got better after he adjusted to being back at his old daycare.  And then preschool was about to start, and I think he just does so poorly with change that he lashes out.  He refuses to listen, and he takes NO punishment seriously, and laughs in my face.  A lot.  I don't handle that well at all.  I fly off the handle and yell.  I don't like yelling.  I feel awful for days after I yell.  I stay up and night, wishing that I had controlled my anger better. 
Now that I'm back at work, I feel like I have no energy to do anything at the end of the day.  We get home from work/daycare, push through supper, baths, bedtime and then I curl up on the couch with my laptop for 2 hours before bed.  I can't remember the last time I worked out.  I stopped counting calories because I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.  I don't have the energy to care.  Sometimes I physically do not have the energy to even wash my hair.  That means that I also do not have the energy to have meaningful interactions with my kids.  I don't feel like pushing Wyatt on the swing.  I don't feel like playing "digger".  I'm tired of chasing after Paige to make sure she doesn't climb on something, jump off something, climb off something, jump on something, take Wyatt's food, take Wyatt's cup, spill Wyatt's drink, slip in Wyatt's drink, throw toys, take toys, jam toys under the couch....
Last time I felt like this, my doctor diagnosed me with depression.  I was put on anti-depressants (we tried three different types of SSRIs), and my body couldn't handle them.  They made me so sleepy.  Dangerously sleepy.  As in, I nodded off on a trip home from the city, sleepy. So I went off of them, and made an effort to take better care of myself, and therefore Wyatt and my relationship with Josh.  But I don't know how to get there now.  I'm just too tired.  I don't feel like trying.  I feel like laying in my bed for days on end.