02.09.14

 

 

St. Malo last summer

I am looking at pictures from the summer to remind myself that, from time to time in Manitoba, we do have warm weather.  On record, this winter has literally been one of the coldest EVER.  Windchill warning after windchill warning, school cancellations - it all adds up to everyone feeling like caged animals.  People who don't live in this climate comment casually, "Just dress warmly and let the kids out!"  No.  If you've been outside when it's -35 with the windchill, you know there's no way to be comfortable out there. -15, -20?  Sure.  But this recent weather is just ridiculous, and if they say skin can freeze in 10 minutes, I'm not taking the chance to send my kids out just so we don't all feel like poking each other in the eye.
Every winter I seem to get the "winter blues". Last year it went far past blues and I was up to my eyeballs in depression.  I had no desire to get out of bed, to be with people (even my family), to go to work, to get dressed, to shower...I think you get the point.  I didn't want to do anything. I tried a total of 5 different anti-depressants during a 6(ish) month period.  None of them were great.  If I was feeling better, then I started to get terrible side effects that weren't going away (uncontrollable muscle twitches, anyone?).  I finally weaned myself off and resigned myself to dealing with depression - but by that point the weather was improving and so was my overall mood. After speaking a little more in depth with my doctor, it was determined that I'm actually sensitive to serotonin and that makes me especially vulnerable to the side effects. 
This winter I was determined to not let things get as bad as last year (as if somehow I could control my mental health if I just focused enough).  Whether or not it had anything to do with me, things actually didn't seem too bad until I realized that my depression is just presenting itself in different ways - mostly being really irritable.  Sure, the kids and Josh probably see the most of it, but I have noticed that I'm not being as careful with what I say at work or around other people.  I don't like being grouchy and miserable. I'm sure a warm getaway would help a bit, and when they start giving those trips away I will be first in line. Otherwise, I will just power through and promise not to take spring, summer and fall for granted this year (but uh...realistically speaking I will still complain about the weather when it is almost 45 degrees with the humidex. There really is no pleasing me).