The last few days I've become increasingly anxious and depressed about my return to work on Monday. There have been days where I have thought returning to work would be the best thing on the planet. And it's not that I don't want to work. I do. I also am looking forward to some adult conversation during the day. But still, I don't think I am prepared for this, and it's really beginning to sink in what an ordeal it will be for the kids to get used to being in daycare ALL day, 5 days a week. I think Paige will adapt really well. She loves other kids and seems to like being there. I'm not sure about Wyatt. I don't think he's warming up to the new daycare as well as I'd hoped. He likes the women who run it, and it has only been a few weeks that he's gone (and only two afternoons a week) - but he still tells me he doesn't want to go, and looks downright devastated when I drop him off. Each time he asks, "Will daddy pick me up in a little bit? I only have to stay here a little while?" That doesn't make me feel good. I know at some point he has to get used to other kids and adapt to his surroundings, but do I have to push him into it at age 3?
I certainly cannot afford to stay home right now, but it's also almost not worth it for me to go back to work. I have no choice but to work full time (like many other mothers out there, I'm sure) just so that I can bring home enough money to buy groceries and pay for daycare each week. I haven't worked full time in over 3 years, and I have never had to juggle a full time job with 2 kids. I wish there were a bit of a warm up so I'm not just throwing us all in head first.
Like my mother said, I have to remind myself that this is not forever. This is just for "right now". Hopefully I can find a happy medium soon.
As much as it sucks, I do agree with Mom. But speaking as someone in a situation that's also allegedly "not forever"...it sure effing feels that way when you're in it. Anyone who's ever done anything they don't like (being unemployed, being sick, going for a very hard run, etc) knows that when you're doing it, it feels like FOREVER. I think what's important is breaking things down into smaller segments so it's not just, "Well, off I go to work, and the kids to daycare, and we'll be doing this as far as the eye can see." I think you're doing the right thing by going back even with your concerns, and it may be that something will open up soon that makes things easier or more suitable for you guys.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, those are pretty good pictures :) Your wee ones are so photogenic!